Boring Suburban Life

Sometimes I wonder what it's all worth. What it all means. Somehow, this whole suburban way of life just doesn't make any sense and seems completely worthless and pointless.

I look around, and while yes, there are lot's of trees, there are even more cars and just as many stores everywhere. There are a few main roads that have stretch mall after stretch mall with the mega big stores of everything and the giant parking lots full of SUVs and Jeeps and Mini Vans and other large and annoying gas guzzlers.

Everyone looks and dresses the same, the teenagers even look the same. People work their boring 9-5 jobs so they can buy stuff then they work some more to pay off their debts. There aren't very many places to go look at art, and when you find one you find that it's all Suburban moms with screaming kids or snobby old people who look you up and down to see if you are wearing as expensive an outfit as they are.

I just wonder what makes people around here happy. There isn't anything around the suburbs to do except shop. Buying things provides a temporary rush, but it's shallow and short lived. Then you have to buy more stuff to feel good. What is the point? No object can actually bring true happiness. So again, what is the point?

Out here in the suburbs people act like everying in the world and in their lives is all about the children. Got to make this a better world for the children. Like they actually do anything to improve the situation. There's no compost program out here, a lot of people still don't recycle. They buy so much stuff that comes in excessive packaging that they can't be environmental even if they tried. They live in super big houses and leave all the lights on. They drive gas guzzling vehicles with only one person in the car to go to work. Public transit is appalling out here, waiting for a bus for half an hour is just not excusable. Especially since winter temperatures drop to -30 C. So I understand why people drive. I drive, a small vehicle mind you, but I am guilty of not taking public transit. It's just sinful when it takes an hour and a half to get somewhere by bus when I can drive there in 10 - 30 minutes.

But I digress. This is supposed to be about the boring suburbs. Well, I'll say this, just about everyone seems pretty miserable. Can't get a smile out of cashiers half the time, people drive like angry miserable lunatics ready to kill or attack or cause damage. Bullying behaviour it is. It's scary. People get impatient if you are driving 50 km in a 40 zone. They'll tail gate you, and then agressively pass you in a giant hissy fit. To me, it seems that deep in their souls they realise that working 9-5 at some pathetic boring office job where they make pitiful money and have huge levels of stress to contend with, not to mention having to deal with horrible people all day that they can't stand. Then they get home and have to rush around for another few hours, worrying about kids and their homework, baths, dinner, clean up. They are left with maybe an hour to themselves if they are lucky, then have to go to bed in order to get up the next day to start it all over again.

Then the glorious weekend comes along. TGIF. Yey. Two pathetic days off. Two days to catch up on the managerial side of life. Clean the house, do the laundry, do the grocery shopping, tend to all the kiddie activities. Maybe order a pizza, go to a movie, see some friends. Then spend half of a day sleeping, or zonked out watching sports on t.v and drinking beer. Then it's Monday again. Back to the grind. They realise that nothing that they have is really theirs, everything they have they bought on credit. So they have to keep working at those jobs they hate. Those horrible slave driving places that steal away your life energy and give you paper to trade in for material objects in return. You can't buy freedom or happiness. But advertising companies make you believe that if you have that car, that necklace, perfume, perfect image etc. That maybe you will be happy and your life will seem worthwhile. It's such a disapointment to discover how shallow it all is.

Not that life in the city is all fun and games. The bars and lounges are filled with young trendy people. Even artsy people who might seem more interesting than your average suburbanite, are still cliquey and judgemental. They'll look at you to see how you are dressed, how your hair looks, if you are fat or thin, young or old. Bottom line, how cool you are. It's high school all over again. Art galleries are all about image and personality. Connections. Phoney Shmoney crap. Fake smiles everywhere you look, you have to scmoooze your way to the top, connect with everyone important. Of course the important people also live in big houses, drive fancy cars, wear expensive suits and cologne, have the trophy wife on their shoulder.

There is something inherently wrong with western civilization. Whether you are in the States or Canada, suburbs or city. Everyone is after the same thing. To be rich and live a prosperous life. To be successful. The first question people ask you when you meet someone new, is "what do you do." On the surface, it might seem like a harmless question, just a common ice breaker. But it's so much more than that. People judge people based on what their occupation is. If the answer is "I'm a doctor" or "lawyer", you get raised eyebrows and there is suddenly a lot of interest. People want to get to know you, find out about you and automatically respect you. If, however, your answer is "I'm a cleaner" you will look at a blank face which you know is inwardly thinking "oh, this person must be a bit of a loser" or maybe kind of stupid. At any rate, obviously a nobody and therefore not worth getting to know. No connections will be made through this person so it is time to move on.

I dream of a utopia where everyone works together towards a common goal that makes everyones lives better. A better environment to live in. Better and healthier food to eat. Easy, cheap and environmentally friendly transportation so that everyone can get to where they want to go in a quick and efficient way. Entertainment that enriches our lives instead of stealing our lives as an escape from our misery. A place where environmentally unfriendly things can't be produced, consumed bought or sold. They just won't exist. Where we can exist in harmony with the planet instead of being constantly at war with it and each other. Where people treat animals with love, compassion and respect. Everyone would be vegetarian. There would be a new and efficient way to test medication. Ideally it should be tested on people who try to ruin the utopia by stealing, murdering, showing all the negative human traits, destructive behaviour.

Sadly, this utopia is just a dream. I will probably not see this place in my lifetime. But I know that if it exists in my brain, then it exists in many other peoples brains and that one day all the people who share this utopic dream can find each other and actually make it a reality. Obviously there are some things we wouldn't be able to do, like test medications on humans instead of animals. But many other things can be done...

Punker turns normal mommy

So this blog is just about random things I think about or my own observations on life.

Today I saw a girl I knew in high school. She didn't see me, but I knew it was her because she had a rather distinctive nose. She was all grown up, with a normal looking man with glasses and a young child. No one would look twice at them and think that there was anything strange about them. Except that I remember what she was like in high school.

I remember the week she started. There were rumours going around about narks joining our school, due to the large marijuana problem. She joined the alternative program and fit right in. She had lot's of peircings, wore dark black eyeliner that extended past her eyes in a swirvy line, wore mostly black clothes, and had those Doc Martin boots that go all the way up to the knees. She had blonde hair and blue eyes, tall, skinny. She fit right in with all the alternative/Rebel/Rocker/Druggies. She loved to roll big fatties and was a really cool gal. She went to all the cool parties and was really mellow. She wasn't a nark by the way. She was the real deal.

I didn't hang out with her too much, as I was more of a wannabe I guess. Didn't have confidence/looks/connections to be part of that world. But we were doing similar things and so our paths crossed a few times.

I ran into her at a rave a year or two after high school. She was totally baked on speed and ecstasy. She said she was living with a bunch of guys in Ottawa in some druggie house and that she was stoned all the time. She said that the buzz she was experiencing right then, was absolutely amazing. She actually shivered with delight.

I never saw her again. Until today.

It just makes me wonder, how people can change so much! To go from being a cool rocked out druggie in high school to like a soccer mom or something is just so foreign to me. It makes me feel really old, like everyone my age lives this normal life with kids. Not that I want any of that. But sometimes it just all feels wrong, that I'm at this stage of life. 32 years old, and still feel 20 mentally in a lot of ways. But what was normal and cool at 20 is so totally not normal and acceptable at my age.